Roommates

They are the worst. I used to enjoy where I live. Now, thanks to them it's gross and never stays clean. I hate roommates so much.

100

I was considering doing a little story I have been writing for this, my 100th post. But after today, I realized that would be pointless.

I have been trying and for the most part succeeding at being positive and happy for the past 4 months; but it is getting really hard when people see my kindness or effort thereof and take advantage of it.

I have been walked on and treated like crap for a long time and I am tired of it.

I had a long scathing post written out, just tearing into people that have made my life hell for the past year; but I am better than that. I know it, and you know it. Just know this, if you're wondering if you were included in that post, it probably means you did something to deserve to be there and were.

Now I know the people that read this can be numbered on one half of one hand but I still don't care. I need at least someone to know that I am truely, 100% angry at so many people.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all those dads I know: both my Grandpa's, my dad, Brent, Cory, Rob Lamb, Vaughn, and my friends that have taken the plunge: Nych, Rob, Christian, and Bret.

Vacation?

Alright so here's the non-awkward blog I agreed to last time.

I am ready for a vacation. Not just a short trip to Vegas or camping close by, but a get on plane and go somewhere new type of trip. This doesn't mean I can afford it but it has been forever since I have done this. As in 5 years. So I have been looking and I think I am going to Tyra nd go to Chicago in July or maybe Denver. Both instances would be around the premise of going to a Cubs game. I would prefer to go to Wrigley field in Chicago but if due to money and timing I would be okay with going to Coord field in Denver. So! I will start trying to figure out how to go do that. Unfortunately that means taking time off work which I hate doing for many reasons but I guess it's tme to suck it up and go.

Also I think I want to take a road trip. I was thinking of going to Arizona, and visit Steve. Maybe go camping at Havasupai falls. But that is yet to be seen.

All I know is that I am ready to go on a trip. And soon.

Some thanks

I just wanted to write real quick and say a few thanks before I go to bed,

-Thank you to my Mom and Brent, I know I haven't been the wisest child or easiest to deal with but you both have been ever helpful and supportive no matter what. I know you guys care and I love you both for how much you have done and continue to do for me.

-Cory and Melissa thank you guys for being there, where?, just there. Whether that's at your house, in Vegas, a restaurant, Mary Jo's house, or jut out and about you both have been so willing to let me tag along and just try and relax or get away for a bit. Whether that's been just chatting with Melissa in the living room or going to Scheel's with Cory; it's always nice to be able to just hang out.

-Brylee and Ellie, for just being them (not the moody/grumpy/yelling/screaming side) but the cute, loving, fun, and playful side that they usually are. Just makes me feel loved.

-Alexa as a little sister you are squeaky and hyper energetic. But I love it, she fun to just talk to and play with. I enjoy so much being an older brother to you.

-Tyler and Ashley, despite the fact I don't see you guys much I am glad of the times we have hung out. I know we have our differences but who doesn't. You are both fantastic and a great example to someone like me who may not make the best choices, that things can always go better. Thank you.

-Derek, we go fishing, and to wing nuts, and to movies, and church (sometimes), and to the ranch, and BBQ's, and disc golfing, and other stuff. You have become a great friend and a ton of help at the dark times. Thank you.

-Chris and Kailey (Quinn included) you guys are amazing friends and another wonderful example of the simple joys in life. I love spending time with you guys and getting to see you three grow as a family. It makes me happy. Thanks for letting me being you dinner (or buy it for you). 

-Rob and Jocelyn you have both made life better for me in our neighborhood. I like being able to walk across the street and say hi, or see Logan out in the grass with the dogs, I am thankful you have both helped keep me sane over the years and help me get back closer to family. You three really are awesome.

Now I know there is a ton more people to thank, like Jared and Randilyn, Lucy, extended family, and especially Vaughn and Amy. I really hope you guys know I love you all and am grateful for everything you have all done for me. But I am falling asleep and I was told recently I needed to post so here it is, a quick write up of the things that have been on my mind.

Any who..... Time for bed, I'll make a less awkward post sometime soon.

Waiting to spend all my money

I'm a little bugged, I thought that my old work would let me know about problems if they saw them but I guess I was wrong. I sit here at Rocky's in Spanish Fork waiting for them to tell me how much I have to spend to fix my fuel leak that my old manager forgot to tell me about two weeks ago. So now it looks as though the money I was saving now goes to this. Oh the joys of owning a vehicle. Along that note, my legs KILL from riding a bike to work and back last night. It's been forever since I last rode a bike, and I can and will be feeling that for days.

Oh and there we have it, $540 to fix it. Joy. Oh and what shows up while I'm waiting to hear? An email informing me my insurance premiums are going up. Fantastic. Gotta love good days like this.

But I can't complain, I have had some great past couple of months, a bad day was bound to show up. It'll pass soon enough. Though it looks as though I will be spending a lot more time at home...for free.

So not much else going on, still trying to revive my yard, working over night, a bit of Geocaching to start the summer, and the thought of maybe going on a date. But we'll see what happens as the summer moves along. Hopefully I can do a BBQ sometime soon, bring everybody out to enjoy my crappy yard.

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.sorry not the most compelling post but its a post none the less

3-D

I was kinda excited today, I had a date for the first time in a very long time and was looking forward to it. I cut my hair, shaved, got all cleaned up, put on my nice clothes, and no joke 2 minutes before I go to leave the house I get a call. Yup guess who just bailed, ... My date. Now don't get me wrong I can't hold it against her, she needed to help family. But I am just bummed, I was excited for this, and this was the second or third time we had rescheduled.
BUT, I was not to let this ruin my night....too horribly. I went on my date anyways...alone...as one does. I sauntered into the restaurant, took my seat, had a meal (not the best but I didn't have to cook or clean it so I can't complain), left and headed to the movie theater, and there I proceeded to enjoy a movie (Jurassic Park in 3D) all by my lonesome.
And yes, it was as lonely as it sounds. But I have grown accustomed to this and we'll all in all the worst thing I could really complain about if I really wanted to, is the blister on my hand from yard work today. Tough crying about it on the Internet isn't going to help it so I won't.
That's really all I got, that is the excitement if my life.

Summer-time

I want to write, I just have nothing to write about.

The end

Greatest ever

This past Tuesday was probably the greatest day I have had,.....EVER. Now normally I would want to keep this all to my self and tell no one. Thinking that it's not anybody's but my own business but I have found that I want to tell everyone I see, even random strangers that I have never seen before.
Last week on Saturday, the 16th, I got an email from Amy telling me they would be in town and she was asking me if I would like to meet up with them and meet Olivia. I wasn't sure what to say, I had never seen her before. Granted for the past 2 1/2 years they have sent me pictures and updates, but an actual face to face meeting with her! I didn't know what to say so I ignored the email for a while just so that I could think. My first thought was "No! No way.", I was nervous what I may feel and didn't want things to go badly. After talking with my mom about it and being kicked into the right frame of mind about it I decided it would be a good thing. So I emailed her back and told her yes, after a few more emails we set up a meeting time and place, Tuesday at 4:30.
I did not sleep for three nights thinking about this. I gradually go more and more nervous the closer the time came. Then Tuesday was here, I tried to work and keep my mind off of it, but work flew by and I still can't remember what I did that night. Classes came, I zoned out, the teachers spoke I had no idea what they said. Then I had to wait, 5 hours until the meeting. I sat in the hall at school, slowly the hours ticked by, despite my best efforts to calm down my nervousness grew. My shaking was worse, my mouth constantly dry, I had to keep running to a water fountain to fill my water bottle and consequently ... the bathroom also. 3:30, I had one hour, I left campus so that I would not be late. I got to our meeting place early but that was okay, I knew I would so it didn't bother me. Finally after days of waiting, it was 4:30. My mother was late but that was okay I worked up the courage to meet them on my own. Shakily I walked around the corner in the building to where we were supposed to meet and.....no one was there. I panicked, I started searching my phone, scrolling through all the emails. Was I in the right place? Was I so late they left? Am I hours early? Did something happen? CRAP!! What is going on, I paced circles. I couldn't handle it. I went from insanely nervous to hopelessly scared.
Then my mom and Brent showed up, they calmed me down, and we sat and waited. After a couple minutes I looked up and the cutest little family of two small girls followed by their parents walked around the corner. My stomach hit the floor, I thought I was nervous before, that was nothing. I couldn't move. Even if I could I felt I was going to shake so badly I wouldn't be able to walk straight. My mother gently took my hand and led me forward. I was frightened beyond belief. What if I do something dumb? What if she doesn't want to see me? What if I scare her? What if she cries? I couldn't take that, I couldn't handle being rejected like that. Every step my heart beat faster, it has to pop eventually, I was going drop with heart failure before we even got close. But then, we were there. Right next to Vaughn and Amy. And there she was, all blonde pig tails and bright blue eyes, with a smile that took my heart from 100 m.p.h. to frozen in an instant. She was beautiful. I couldn't do anything but watch her run with excitement. And I smiled. I couldn't stop smiling. The more she smiled the more I did. I didn't care what else happened, this was perfect. We all walked into the little play area to sit on the benches and watch Olivia and her sister run and play. Going up and down the slide, with intent to use it until it broke. Her squeaky little voice rising up from all around us as she ran was like music in the air. Everyone who heard it became happier by the second. At least I did.
They continued to run and play, my mother, Brent, Amy and Vaughn all sat chatting. I couldn't focus on the conversation. Not possible, I was too distracted watching the little ball of energy play. I got up and walked around, Olivia sat down on a little plastic rabbit pretending to ride it. Noises came from the other side of the building, echoing down the halls. Olivia stopped, head perked up, she looked at me with those huge eyes, "Dogs!" she exclaimed with excitement. She spoke to ME, I didn't know what to do, I was lost. Then before I knew it she had sucked me in. Pulling me around, making me go down the slide I was 50 times too big for, jumping the river laid into the carpet, finding and yelling at all the "sharks" in said river. I was in heaven.
I couldn't believe where I was and what I was doing. I LOVED IT!! We played and played. Finally as her and her older sister began to wear out, we began to take some pictures. Then the most wonderful thing happened, Amy asked me, "Would you like to hold her? Just over there so the lighting is better." I wanted to cry, I get to hold her. So I picked her up, light as a feather, I swung her up onto my hip and looked directly into those stunning blue eyes. My heart melted. We looked at the camera and smiled, but as we did a little rabbit she was given stuck me in the mouth. I laughed and she looked at me, I told her she was trying to make me eat the rabbit and she laughed. I couldn't help it, I laughed harder, so did she. We stood there face to face laughing back and forth as she tried to put a rabbit in my mouth.
It was time for them to leave, I asked Olivia before I put her down, can I have a hug. And as unselfishly and sweetly as any child does, she said yes and threw her arms around my neck. Perfect. With tears of joy in my eyes I set her down, said my goodbyes to the rest of her wonderful little family and knew, with out any doubt that she was happy. That she was with her true family, being raised by a loving mother and father, with a sister that also loves her.
I am so happy I made the choice to go see her. I feel so much happier about everything in life. I am so glad I got to be reassured of the choice to let her go. I am so grateful for Vaughn and Amy.

I got a project!

and its a yard. As some may have notice, and sorry about it, I have been in a bummed mood. For about 3 weeks, not sure why, I just feel kinda, pointless and drifting along with no purpose. But now I have decided that I will rebuild Rodney's yard. I hope that I get to live here for at least the rest of the summer because this is going to take a while. I have some pictures I will post but I wish I would have taken them before I started but it still looks crappy. Speaking of which, if anyone knows how to get rid of gophers quickly let me know.

So there it is, if you can see I'm in for a lot of work; between the gophers, the dead spots, the bug infested areas, and the mass amounts of rocks. But I am excited and happy I have a huge project to work on.

The previous post...

That was something that happened a couple weeks ago, I wrote it down, typed it actually, shortly after I woke up. It was something I wasn't sure I wanted to post (being not only very depressing but also very personal). But I have spent the past two weeks thinking on it and I decided that maybe in posting it, I could get it off my chest and hopefully shake this odd mood I have been in. If you ask about it I most likely wont answer questions about it. Don't be offended, you should know by now I'm not one to really talk openly about my problems.
Take it for what it is, a sad story.
Thanks

"And when you wake up, everything is gonna be fine."

One morning

My eyes slowly opened, the cold grey light from window reminds me that winter is still just beyond that piece of glass. The warmth of the soft blankets has created an uncomfortably plush cocoon against the offending cold. I roll to my side within my protective shell. A strawberry blond angel lays sleeping with her face toward me. Instantly any discomfort I have felt washes away at this sight, I care for nothing but to see this wonder. Slowly she wakes, opening her lids to reveal those green eyes which make any spring time forest appear drab and dull in comparison. For a moment, fogged confusion sits at the forefront of her perception but that only lasts for a second, giving way to slight embarrassment at the realization that I have watched this beautiful girl return to reality. Quickly those slender cheeks fill with a bright red to compliment the locks of hair that have fallen across her face during the night. Her lips slowly curl back in an innocent smile and my heart melts. Nothing can compare to the joy I feel at this sight.
I reach my hand out to brush back those stray collections of gorgeous hair that slightly obscure her face from view, but as my hand moves forward its progress is impeded by a cold, hard, unforgiving surface. In an instant I am ripped from that heaven and pulled into my reality. My hand outstretched rests against my wall in the cold, dark room. I clench my eyes shut praying to return to the perfect morning, but it is gone, leaving me alone in a frozen room on an uncomfortable bed. I wait in vain for sleep to return. It never comes. A heart that was just moments before filled with love, breaks. As a final insult, the angry vibrations of plastic against wood call out from the darkness, telling me that I must abandon my hopes of returning to my dream.
Another day begins.

Johnny go get your gun

This post is one not just for the few that ask for it but more as an attempt to stay awake in my night class, yes that's right I am blogging in an attempt to appear to be taking notes!
So to start I am ready to rip my tooth out I can't get it fix until may, or so I am told by my insurance, but I am to the point with one of them that I may just find a place to fix it.
Any way now that, that is over with.
SCHOOL!!!! It's class is the worst, just in all aspects, well almost all; obviously the important issue has to be addressed - yes there is one (only one) attractive girl in the class. But in a 3 hour class late at night after being up for 24 hours I'm more likely to sleep than to talk to her, though she does happen to be sitting by me tonight.
Being here on campus all day I keep realizing why I hate the setup of the college so badly. For once in a long time I was in the mood to maybe meet someone new and have a conversation but no, it's not possible here. Everyone is so stand offish, every one scuttles from class to class as quickly as possible with heads down to try and avoid the creepy watchers perched on the edges of the halls just watching everyone. But THERE you finally see a cute girl that looks approachable, as you walk up ... Oh wait what's that ... Yup just what I thought, a ring she's married and doesn't have to worry about meeting new people. And so, yet again you awkwardly change your direction or act like you are walking to the seat or bathroom behind her. This makes for a very frustrating and annoying day, so, as Derek can attest, this is something most people try to deal with.
At this moment in class we are learning about the amount of cotton produced by Britain between 1820 and 1860, with his colorful knock off light saber the insanely droll professor is trying to excite the class that the production of cotton would be envied by modern day China. Look I love history, even the boring history, but this is the absolute WORST. And now we are talking about the importance of trains in history,mi am checked out, 100%
Well I hope this has been good enough for this week and missing last week, I'll try and do another one soon.

"Ivan go fly your Mig"

Odd

I walked outside to go to my truck today and for the first time in weeks there was no fog, no inversion, clean crisp air. I was an odd feeling to actually be able to see further than the other side of the street. Then for the next few days it has snowed, almost non stop. But that's okay.
So I know it's been over a week since my last post, sorry, and I realize this one will be shorter an usual, BUT, I am getting swamped with school, work, and volunteering. I will say that I am really enjoying working in the school, but I really want to start writing again. Maybe I will soon.
As for now all I can say is that I am excited for Sunday.
GO 49ers!!! Super Bowl XLVII

"You must go to the Dagobah system"

A quick look at last year

3 different homes, 3 different positions at work, 3 semesters of school encompassing 2 separate universities, 1 ended relationship, 2 weddings, 2 funerals, one baby blessing, one epic BBQ, one trip to Vegas, a couple finished tv series, mission farewells, true brotherhood on xbox live, and a whole lot of sitting around doing nothing. That sums up the past year, the past 12 full months of living in Utah county. This is the first time in over 6 years in which that has happened.
Now as I sit in the hall of flags trying to pass the time until my next class, which I wait hours upon hours for, I dread the thought of going to work after being up for 24 hours, all I want to do is sleep at this moment in time. Thank the heavens for the invent of energy drinks.
Listing off what I did in the past year made me realize, I don't really do much, especially since it made me see how much time is spent watching Netflix, and just sitting around. I am hoping that this year I can do less of both of those and more of things that I don't feel so ashamed to admit to; more vacation, BBQ's, or even just dates or just going out on the weekend and doing SOMETHING.

"I said the devil is IN you and that I feared and hated you."

Return of the....poorly worded blog

Well, to those...couple people, here you go a return to this writing.
As I lay in my bed feeling sick from a nasty in-n-out lunch earlier, I sit and wonder what I could begin to ramble about. School? Work? New goals? The extreme cold? A lack luster romantic life? Or even just the contemplation of whether I should keep this iPad I am "typing" on, I have decided......none of those. Well at least right now. I figure I will take some time to write this entry and all those to follow, kind of like Derek does when writing a letter to Coles or Strawberry. So I will sleep now so that I can hopefully make it to work tonight, and add to this later.
Okay, so no more in-n-out, ever. That place ALWAYS makes me sick. I had a miserable night trying to sleep and not throw up...fantastic experience! Today is great though, I started my volunteering at Salem Hills, it'll be interesting to actually be working in a school. I'm excited to see how it goes. Though it will be hard to do anything else other than work and my volunteer hours for a while, sleep will be in short supply Monday through Thursdays. Well, not much else is happening, school is great. I am glad it has started again it gives me something to do and is nice to be active doing something more than watching Netflix.
I did meet with one of my professors from last semester and interestingly enough she offered to let me teach one of her classes. The offer was great and made me excited, I want to but am nervous to do so. I told her I would love to but possibly wait until next semester and help out in one of her history 1500 classes. Though it still scares me to think about teaching in a college class.
I am still enjoying my new housing. Despite the fact that our trashy neighbors keep me awake at times and sometimes kind of creep me out. I like having a place to live that nice and new, clean and respectable. I am stoked for the spring to come so that I can rebuild the yard and throw some killer BBQ's, though I am not sure any will beat the one Derek and I threw at the pad before we moved. I have started collecting some recipes that I can try for them and hopefully they'll turn out well.
Just to touch on this because I know it's a subject that is of apparent concern to some people, the love life of myself is empty and non-existent. Though that is not something I am complaining out here, it is something I am just stating. I have thought about meeting new girls on campus while at school but who really wants to get bothered by me while at school, that and a great number of them are almost 10 years younger than myself and that kinda bugs me. Tell you what, Derek if you read this, as soon as you find a lady friend, I will consider doing like wise.
With that I will finish this entry and go back to doling homework.

"Shatner, I'd fight William Shatner."