Last week on Saturday, the 16th, I got an email from Amy telling me they would be in town and she was asking me if I would like to meet up with them and meet Olivia. I wasn't sure what to say, I had never seen her before. Granted for the past 2 1/2 years they have sent me pictures and updates, but an actual face to face meeting with her! I didn't know what to say so I ignored the email for a while just so that I could think. My first thought was "No! No way.", I was nervous what I may feel and didn't want things to go badly. After talking with my mom about it and being kicked into the right frame of mind about it I decided it would be a good thing. So I emailed her back and told her yes, after a few more emails we set up a meeting time and place, Tuesday at 4:30.
I did not sleep for three nights thinking about this. I gradually go more and more nervous the closer the time came. Then Tuesday was here, I tried to work and keep my mind off of it, but work flew by and I still can't remember what I did that night. Classes came, I zoned out, the teachers spoke I had no idea what they said. Then I had to wait, 5 hours until the meeting. I sat in the hall at school, slowly the hours ticked by, despite my best efforts to calm down my nervousness grew. My shaking was worse, my mouth constantly dry, I had to keep running to a water fountain to fill my water bottle and consequently ... the bathroom also. 3:30, I had one hour, I left campus so that I would not be late. I got to our meeting place early but that was okay, I knew I would so it didn't bother me. Finally after days of waiting, it was 4:30. My mother was late but that was okay I worked up the courage to meet them on my own. Shakily I walked around the corner in the building to where we were supposed to meet and.....no one was there. I panicked, I started searching my phone, scrolling through all the emails. Was I in the right place? Was I so late they left? Am I hours early? Did something happen? CRAP!! What is going on, I paced circles. I couldn't handle it. I went from insanely nervous to hopelessly scared.
Then my mom and Brent showed up, they calmed me down, and we sat and waited. After a couple minutes I looked up and the cutest little family of two small girls followed by their parents walked around the corner. My stomach hit the floor, I thought I was nervous before, that was nothing. I couldn't move. Even if I could I felt I was going to shake so badly I wouldn't be able to walk straight. My mother gently took my hand and led me forward. I was frightened beyond belief. What if I do something dumb? What if she doesn't want to see me? What if I scare her? What if she cries? I couldn't take that, I couldn't handle being rejected like that. Every step my heart beat faster, it has to pop eventually, I was going drop with heart failure before we even got close. But then, we were there. Right next to Vaughn and Amy. And there she was, all blonde pig tails and bright blue eyes, with a smile that took my heart from 100 m.p.h. to frozen in an instant. She was beautiful. I couldn't do anything but watch her run with excitement. And I smiled. I couldn't stop smiling. The more she smiled the more I did. I didn't care what else happened, this was perfect. We all walked into the little play area to sit on the benches and watch Olivia and her sister run and play. Going up and down the slide, with intent to use it until it broke. Her squeaky little voice rising up from all around us as she ran was like music in the air. Everyone who heard it became happier by the second. At least I did.
They continued to run and play, my mother, Brent, Amy and Vaughn all sat chatting. I couldn't focus on the conversation. Not possible, I was too distracted watching the little ball of energy play. I got up and walked around, Olivia sat down on a little plastic rabbit pretending to ride it. Noises came from the other side of the building, echoing down the halls. Olivia stopped, head perked up, she looked at me with those huge eyes, "Dogs!" she exclaimed with excitement. She spoke to ME, I didn't know what to do, I was lost. Then before I knew it she had sucked me in. Pulling me around, making me go down the slide I was 50 times too big for, jumping the river laid into the carpet, finding and yelling at all the "sharks" in said river. I was in heaven.
I couldn't believe where I was and what I was doing. I LOVED IT!! We played and played. Finally as her and her older sister began to wear out, we began to take some pictures. Then the most wonderful thing happened, Amy asked me, "Would you like to hold her? Just over there so the lighting is better." I wanted to cry, I get to hold her. So I picked her up, light as a feather, I swung her up onto my hip and looked directly into those stunning blue eyes. My heart melted. We looked at the camera and smiled, but as we did a little rabbit she was given stuck me in the mouth. I laughed and she looked at me, I told her she was trying to make me eat the rabbit and she laughed. I couldn't help it, I laughed harder, so did she. We stood there face to face laughing back and forth as she tried to put a rabbit in my mouth.
It was time for them to leave, I asked Olivia before I put her down, can I have a hug. And as unselfishly and sweetly as any child does, she said yes and threw her arms around my neck. Perfect. With tears of joy in my eyes I set her down, said my goodbyes to the rest of her wonderful little family and knew, with out any doubt that she was happy. That she was with her true family, being raised by a loving mother and father, with a sister that also loves her.
I am so happy I made the choice to go see her. I feel so much happier about everything in life. I am so glad I got to be reassured of the choice to let her go. I am so grateful for Vaughn and Amy.
