So I just saw that this will be my 50th post. . . . hooray? At fifty different times I guess I have had nothing to do, wow . . what a wonderful life eh? Anywho .... on with the show.
This weekend has been .. good .. interesting .. unexpected .. way too short. Now let me explain something real quick about this here 50th post, it's mostly going to be me writing out my thoughts, a couple a vents, and just all around randomness that I just need to get off my chest. And as you all know I don't really like to talk in person, SO this is the best I got. This week at work was one of the slowest yet if not the slowest. It just would not end. I have been stressed and worn out with that place for the past few weeks and I feel like it's finally catching up with me. I need a break from there and more than just the two days of the weekend because those are always full of things to do that I didn't get done during the week. I'm ready for a vacation but for those of you who know me, that will never happen because I am too stingy and a workaholic. By Friday of this past week I was fighting with 2 of my technicians about labor hours, job placement and just about everything else. It has now more than ever cemented the fact that I do NOT want to run my own business ever. Not fun. So I am ready for a longer break.
I guess when I get flustered and can clear my head I fall back on the old my numbing head clearer......cleaning. My apartment and truck are immaculate. I am so happy to have them both clean. And if my roommates don't heed the warning on the fridge to keep the place clean I'm gonna come unglued. I am sick of coming home to an apartment that smells like 15 homeless men under the mounds of trash piling up in the corners. I just want a better place to live or a bit better "behaved" roommates.
I have had a few conversations with a couple of people the past couple of days, namely Mom, Brent and Cory about some of the things posted here. Yes I know they are vague, but that's so that I don't get in trouble with other people for being completely honest. But with that put to the side I am being clear in this post so here you go... I had dinner with Lyric Friday night. I came up to Spanish Fork and really wanted to see her because of that dream I had. The dinner was great, I was so happy to be back around her. She really does make me happy. Afterward I told her of my dream and how I was feeling and I thought it would clear some air and make things a bit easier, but to be honest I'm pretty sure that I confused the hell out of her and actually made my self sad for the stupid decision I made 5 weeks or so ago. I made a mistake and I told her that. We both left happy to see each other again but confused and a bit sad.
As far as dating here in Ephraim I feel like I have rushed into things a bit too fast and did it to cover up how I felt about everything that has happened with Lyric. I do feel horrible about how this is going to make people feel and I am so sorry. I really am. Sorry.
I was talking with Magnum today when I got back from a drive and it's funny even though we really don't do a lot of long intense conversations just the small things said on both our parts made me think even more. I am really happy that Magnum is such a good friend. He is such a good guy, it will be sad if they move far. But it helped me realize that though I do like it here and I love my job and am very grateful for it, I really don't want to stay here long. I love my family and friends up in Utah county. I miss them. Being up there the past few weekends and seeing them so much and hanging out a lot made me realize that I do miss them and wish I could be around more often.
On other notes, I have been really stressed lately about .. the future. Yeah I know weird..... I have been reading a lot of news lately. The itouch makes it easy to do so. And I don't know what's happening with everything falling to crap but it's not cool. It makes me nervous for my plans for the future and for the fact that I want a family of my own. Life is way hard right now and it's just going to get harder and I don't really want to make my kids go through that but I know having a family is a good thing. I am jealous of what Cory has.
Back to the conversation I was having with Magnum. We were talking about jobs he's been looking for and he made mention of changing his major because he's realized he may not like it or may be better at something else. He said that he believes everyone is really good at at least one thing professionally. Some people see it and take advantage of it, some people ignore it and go for money instead, and some people don't ever see it and wish they had. It really made me think about what I want to do in life. I want to teach but I kinda don't. Is it what I am best at? I haven't had much experience with it, how would I know? Would I be better suited for something like what I am doing now? I don't know what to think. It's a bit frustrating.
So I know this has been a very long post and I will be surprised if anyone really makes it to the end and actually pays attention. But there you go, an open insight to my mind right now. Now this is the part that no one will like. I love you all and really do like that you are concerned about me and my life and all that blah blah blah ...... BUT this post was just a vent, release to my mind. I DO NOT want to talk about these things and won't really be happy if I get phone calls all about it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take this all for what it's worth.....not a whole lot. This is just like me writing in a journal just to get things out. They aren't really up for discussion. Sorry.
I hope you aren't too mad and will still continue to read in the future.
Peace
"Sometimes I go a little crazy like you."
