Now what...

Your whole life you tell your self things; things you want to do, want to eat, want to say, want to be, where to go, how to act, etc.... and no matter what you feel as though you're in control of those things. Sometimes one of those things are said out loud to other people, at times in seriousness and others as a joke.
For the past 5 years I have told everyone and anyone who would ask I plan on never getting married and living alone....completely as an act of humor to cover the fact that I am slightly pathetic and really want the complete opposite of that. Now, just days after my 26th birthday the sad reality is, that is my future. For the past two years I have tried to change it with the result being two catastrophic failures. Now as I look forward I see no future like I desire.
Unfortunately the once entertaining joke has and seemingly will become my inevitable future.
Hooray for crushed dreams and a depressing look to the years that are to come!!

Wants and wishes

First of all, FINALLY!!! Football is back! I love it, it's so nice.
Back to the post, have you ever wanted something so bad and you feel like you are so close to getting but you know that nothing will come of it.
There are some things, two mainly, that I would really love to have right now.
I know that being patient will help and that I will eventually get there but I feel like I have been patient for a long time and am ready to stop waiting.
I finally got my Associate Degree in the mail and it's really nice to have at least one degree.
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Now back to waiting and trying.....maybe.....just maybe it will work.

Golfing...and thinking

I am sitting here on the 8/17th hole here at Skyline Mountain and just reflecting on things. Yes this would be a somewhat thoughtful post, sorry to be boring like that. School has started which means more stress than usual. I am excited to be starting my next level of schooling but also scared because of how hard it will be. Yet once its over, hopefully sooner than later, I will be glad its done. Work has gotten boring and overly stressful. I feel like I have 6000 things to do and have no help cause the owner is hurt and the manager seems to be milking out his back surgery as long as possible and only works for 4 hours a day. I took an extra day this weekend in hopes that it will get me back to where I used to be with my job, happy to be there.
I still love the house I moved into, well minus all the bugs but I am trying to fix that. I haven't really met my roommates but that's nothing new. I do that every year.
About golf...... I have learned to like golf more than ever, it has become my little vacation every week. Even getting up at quarter to six on Saturdays to make my tee time doesn't bother me. I love it. I have even begun to dress for it. Nice pants, collared shirts, clean shoes. Its become alot of fun. Especially since I am slowly getting better.
The social aspect if my life right now......Hahaha! Please I am almost ready to resort to eharmony or nothing at all ;-) but we'll see, maybe I won't. I just wish I was better at dating, I am not good at it and it makes my shy away from it. Oh well.
I am excited today because I finally got my diploma from Snow College. I am lyrical graduate. Its awesome!!
I hope you have enjoyed my thoughts for the day....till next time...
T.T.F.N.

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hanging out in 216

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My summer summary

this is my new camping spot
Alva peeing on shawn white's ashes
our giant 4th of july celebration
New Canyon Res. my new camping spot
No one likes you shawn white, that's why we drew on you then burnt you
enjoying our end of year fire
shawn waiting to be burnt
Alva turned 76 over the summer
the view through our front door
hanging out watching our...3 fireworks
how we ate almost daily
welcome to our place, trashy

In the movies

Sitting in a movie theater alone alone for a half an hour gives you a little time to think. I look back on the past year and there are some definite highs and very low lows. And now that it looks as though my stay here in ephraim is coming to a close I can't help but feel a little nervousness.
Though I am excited for what ever may come next it is hard to leave a job that I do love so much. The lack of a full time job and a sure place to live gives me a little stress and when I say a little I mean a lot. But with how things have played out in the past week I do have faith that this is the right thing to do.
I am excited to come home and be closer to friends and family. Wish me luck in the up coming weeks and i'll see you saturday!

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Today

Every day we are faced with tasks we HAVE to do no matter what, whether we like it or not.Such as getting out of bed, eating at least once, personal care, going to the bathroom,going to work, interacting with people, and countless other things. Though some of these things are a chore and we would rather not do them, it is for the better. We eat to nourishour selves, we go to work so that we can pay the bills, we get out of bed so we don't feel like a worthless pile of trash for laying in bed all day.Yet there always seem to come a day where no matter how hard you try, you just are not motivatedto do any of these things. Today is such a day.I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to make breakfast, I surely didn't want to go to work, and I most definately don't want to do anything now that I am here at work.I think it all comes back to the fact that I don't feel like I should be here in Ephraimany more. I have been contemplating moving back to Utah County and I feel like that is theright thing to do at the moment. The only problem is that I have no job once I do move, letalone a place to live.I hope that sometime relatively soon I can find both a place to live and soemwhere to work.I am ready to move and the sooner the better.